You know, my children are of school age, but I feel as if I am the one who is learning the most during this chapter of my life.
I am learning that I really have no control over anything in my life- big surprise! I knew that fact ,but this adoption process has brought it to life in new ways. I also continue to rely on the fact that I either believe that God is who He says He is or I don't. Is He Sovereign? Is He All- knowing? Is He All -powerful? Does He really love me? Can I trust Him?
The answer to all of those questions is a resounding "Yes!"
But when I worry, or complain that this is taking so long, or not following "my ideal schedule", then I am questioning His Authority and Sovereignty. When I stop myself and return to my trust in Him, then I am fine!!!!
We are good. We are eagerly waiting. We are hopeful that we will get our referral soon. But, I am also not so emotional with each passing day. I used to be so disappointed when the phone would ring and it wasn't our adoption agency. I kep thinking it would be any day.
I am so thankful to be off that emotional rollercoaster.
I still am eager and prayerful but am learning to accept what is. It may not be for a very long time. But when our son is available, the referral will come. And it will be the best timing for everyone.
I may get a "Ph.D." before this whole thing is over. :)