Mickey Mouse PJs

We just came back from a trip to Florida. We had a wonderful time visiting with Jim's folks and going to Disney World. Lots of fun memory- making! Before leaving, we offered to buy the kids a few souveniers. They had filled some "reward charts" for good school days and this was the time to "get their prize". None of the girls had trouble finding a desired souvenier. Caleb, however, came to us and said that he couldn't find anything he really wanted and "didn't want to waste our money". We asked if he was sure. Then he disappeared for awhile. When he came back, he had a sheepish grin on his face. he was holding toddler- size Mickey Mouse pirate pajamas. He asked if instead of getting something for himself, he could get them for his brother. Wow! Precious, precious...I just hugged him and smiled.

The pajamas are now sitting on my dresser. Everytime I pass them, I smile........

Where do we Fit?

From the beginning, I have just asked The Lord to show us where we fit in this whole adoption picture. There are so many needy children- about 147 million unfortunately. There are needs here through the foster system, adoption from birth and then the vast world of international adoption.

As I prayed about it and researched it almost 2 years ago, doors shut everywhere I went, with the exception of Russia. Hence, that is where I thought God was leading our family.

That may still be where we are to go. Just not sure. Jim has really felt led to explore more possibilites within the foster care system. So, we go back to our knees, back to asking questions, back to researching. I admit that I am a bit disappointed that we are up in the air again. On the other had, I am relieved that Jim and I are both unified in pursing adoption. No one is wanting to run the other way. :)

I see more excitement and enthusiasm in Jim than in the past. That's great to see.

I really feel as if something will happen soon. Just not sure if it will be a foster care child or a Russian one.

Lord, please barricade any door that we shouldn't walk through. Lead us to the child we should bring home!

Mommy's waiting....

God is Up to Something

God is so good.

We had a great service at church on Saturday night. The whole service revolved around connecting with God and hearing from Him. There were multiple opportunites during the service to just be quiet before Him and listen.

I felt as if God was continuing to call me to be patient. There is a little guy out there and it will be soon. Just a continued call to trust. That's good......

Then Jim and I had the most interesting conversation on Sunday. I was blown away! Jim shared that he was wondering if our son could perhaps be a little African American boy or a Hispanic boy. He even encouraged me to find out more information about some brothers that are currently in the foster care system.

All this to say, I just feel so thankful that Jim and I are united under Him. Jim isn't wearing out and asking me to reconsider adopting. Instead, he is tuning into God and telling Him that we will walk wherever we need to . The box is open. No limitations. Palms up.

Those of you who know my family realize how huge this is. God has done something in Jim that is truly a miracle. I am so thankful. I am so amazed! Yay! I am not crazy.... :)

Our little guy may be in Russia. Maybe not. We will just continue to pray for God to barricade the wrong doors and throw open the right one.

This weekend, I just felt a confirmation that Jim and I are unified and in His Will. You can't ask for more than that. Hallelujah!!!

The Lord Often Uses Children

I was struggling this week. I was asking for encouragement from The Lord. Fears were gripping my heart as it relates to the realities of our adoption. Would it ever really happen? What if the anticipated referral doesn't pan out? What will we do then? We feel confident that we are to adopt... but are we on the right path? Should we be looking somewhere besides Russia? This is taking so much longer than our other friends that adopted from Russia.

I was driving home from the YMCA with tears streaming down my face. I just cried out to Him and admitted my weakness. I admitted my sadness in comparing my journey with others. I confessed that I needed some encouragement from The Lord. I asked that He show me that we are in His Will.

Upon arriving home, my daughter Alecia greeted me with a joyful but somewhat sheepish grin. "I wrote a song, " she said with enthusiasm. "Do you want to hear it?"

Still red- eyed, I smiled and nodded my head.

Then her sweet, innocent voice started:

Help Again

"Is there hope?
Is there faith?
Am I on this journey all alone?
I need help. I need love.
Is there anyone in this dirty place?
So as you can see, I need a caring family.
I need a good family to help me out, help me out.
So is there anyone out there to help me through it?
Is there anyone out there in the darkness?
Cause I'm in this dirty place. Cause my mama died and my papa's very sick.
I would love if you could send an angel. I just need help again, help again.
And then when I looked up into the clouds, I saw an angel.
And he said, "Follow me, child, Don't be afraid. "
So I followed him to this wonderful place.
The kindest lady opened the door.
She threw up her arms and said, "What a wonderful surprise! "
But when I turned around, he was gone. He was gone.
And then 12 months later, I walked into a home with loving siblings and mama and papa of my very own.
Help again..."

By Alecia Snyder (age 10)


Wow! My eyes filled again as she finished her song. But this time for a different reason.

I had asked for encouragement from The Lord. God knew..... Before I shed my first tear in the car, he had planted that song in Alecia's heart. Before my first plea to Him in the car, He had her putting pencil to paper. It says in His Word that before a word is on your lips, He knows it. How amazing. How reassuring.

God's ability to encouragement is beyond our expectations. I still don't know what December will bring- perhaps nothing. I still don't know if our son is in Russia.

But I do think we are on His path. We are seeking and he will lead us to our child.

That's enough for now.

My prayer continues to be that our child (like the child in Alecia's song )is somehow sensing the love of Jesus along the way. He needs to know that all good things come from Him.

Waiting for His Brother

I had a very precious conversation with Jim yesterday about Caleb. A few years ago, Jim tore our boot box out of the mud room to utilize the space differently. As is typical of Caleb, he built something new with it- he fashioned it into an additional small table top for his work area in the garage. It is little- comes up a little higher than my knee.

Recently, Jim was trying to clean up the garage and asked Caleb if he could throw it away- Caleb had plenty of workspace. Caleb said, "Please don't throw that away. I am going to put it right next to my workbench for my little brother. Then he can work right beside me."

My eyes filled with tears. Caleb is so excited! I can almost picture the two of them out there now.

Suddenly, the wait doesn't bother me so much as long as my little guy eventually comes.....

Learning as We Wait

You know, my children are of school age, but I feel as if I am the one who is learning the most during this chapter of my life.

I am learning that I really have no control over anything in my life- big surprise! I knew that fact ,but this adoption process has brought it to life in new ways. I also continue to rely on the fact that I either believe that God is who He says He is or I don't. Is He Sovereign? Is He All- knowing? Is He All -powerful? Does He really love me? Can I trust Him?

The answer to all of those questions is a resounding "Yes!"

But when I worry, or complain that this is taking so long, or not following "my ideal schedule", then I am questioning His Authority and Sovereignty. When I stop myself and return to my trust in Him, then I am fine!!!!

We are good. We are eagerly waiting. We are hopeful that we will get our referral soon. But, I am also not so emotional with each passing day. I used to be so disappointed when the phone would ring and it wasn't our adoption agency. I kep thinking it would be any day.

I am so thankful to be off that emotional rollercoaster.

I still am eager and prayerful but am learning to accept what is. It may not be for a very long time. But when our son is available, the referral will come. And it will be the best timing for everyone.

I may get a "Ph.D." before this whole thing is over. :)

Palms Up

Palms up... palms up. That is a phrase that Jim has repeated time and tme again along this adoption journey. We just want to be where The Lord wants us to be. We just want to be about His business and not our own agenda. Sometimes it is difficult to determine where one starts and the other ends.

We are so thrilled to be on this journey - eager to see where it lands us. But as my sister-in-law has wisely reminded me- God doesn't waste the journey. It isn't all about the destination. That is just part of it. I am so eager to get there- to find my son and to hold him and love him and bring him home. That is all good and part of it- a crucial piece of it. But not the whole thing. And God is teaching us that time and time again.

He has taught us through the obvious things like the infamous hurricane that lead to the tree falling on our house last September. And the small, daily things like learning to not take ourselves quite so seriosuly around here. At least not in the trivial things. Focus on Him and passing on our spiritual heritage to the kids. Love them, enjoy them but don't mistake indulgence for love. Be firm , patient and consistent. Sounds easier than it is.

We are preparing. Preparing our hearts, our home, our family for this newest member that is oh so far away and so painfully out of reach. I scan the crowds of faces everywhere I go just as if I could catch a glimpse of him. I find myself searching deeply into the eyes of every little boy I meet as if somehow... somehow... does he look like that? will he smile that way? will he like to play trucks? trains? sing outloud?

I am searching deep in the eyes of the boys I see ... I am looking to connect with a child that I know is out there. My son.. my son that I long to know. My son that I long to hold. My son that I want to pull close and whisper, "I love you. We have all been waiting for you. You are home."

I want to reassure him that he is not forgotten. I want to bandage his knees. I want to bandage his wounded heart.

I can't fix anything- not even with a mother's love. But I know who can and I want to introduce him to That Man.

I am excited... frightened...and trusting.

I find reassurance knowing that we are Safely in His Grip.